BAD ME

It's gonna be such a long , boring , ranting post. You can skip this if u dislike. but speaking of it. who reads my blog? nah.. but wadeva it is, i will continue posting and writing .

Just finished reading a friend's blog .and yah. I didnt know that I am such a disappointment to you afterall. perhaps like what you said , where are the passions once i had told you . I sat here think about it over and over again and again. I do still have them in me , I do still want to persue my dream and fulfill my dream , my passion. I still want to make it happen.But I am simply disappointd with myself like why didnt I take a step and make a move!  Admitting here , I have 0 CCA points in my record so far.I am worry for that. A poly business degree will get me nowhere.  really , i suck , i cant even express my thoughts adn my feelings in proper english down here. perhaps I would fail my o-lvl english this time . Why bother spending $160 for the english paper and so much money on eng tuition fees.

Dad is here again in singapore yesterday . Its so sudden , my mum only informed on saturday afternoon , telling me that he would be here on sunday night. He is gonna stay till the 28th August and leave sgpore together with me.He had losed so much weight , his health is not in a goood condition , I really suck as a daughter. What had I done for my dead dad? Who works so hard to support me.
And for those who think that I am rich , so sorry nope. I am not . My mum is a housewife , thus no income from her . My dad does not have a proper job now , he only able to work when he gets some construction project . Once , I always tell him about all my stuff, my family , my rlationship , my friendship , whateva is wrong with me I would tell him . But he is gone now. and i realise , instead of making more friends , getting more socialised. I am becoming more independent or ( loner , i can say) . I chose not to express my feelings anymore , whateva happened or whateva I am really sad over , i hide it to myself instead . Just like not long ago , gh and I had such a bad argument for around 4 days that we almost broke up . Who can I turn to? Who can I still talk to ? Getting older , I realised that , this is life , noone bothers about you ,noone really cares about you , except your parents. Perhaps it's so true , he once told me , everyone will just turn around , backstab you , even your best friends. But ur parents wont.

I wanted to go for BAOW so much , but I am drawing out from the orientation as an SC .  COZ , i will be going back to china for every single holiday , not only to meet him , but I want to spend more time with my family . It has been almost 9 years. I miss my family . Then again , I cant do what I want to do in my life in NP again . Perhaps it means missing out CCAs , missing out class outings, friends gatherings and everything .Again , what can I do? I really wish that I could divide myself into 2 . there are too many things and stuff that I need to accomplish .

Exam is coming soon , 4 modeuls and 40plus chapters to memorise,and study for. I am willing , because business is my passion . Even in future I cant make it to a Uni , I wont regret. I did what I want to do in my life. Not for the sake of a degree from a UNI and I give up what I like and go to JC to study all those "irrelevants"(to me).

And , really need to work out on setting up my shop and my own cca , yoga. Had been asking around for manpower . shish.
I once thought that E. is such a good and fun cca. But ,it did not give me the feelings of ASC. i do stil miss ASC so much .although that bitch didnt give me my final cca points for asc and not even a recognition in my cert as a project head. What i love is the ASC itself . Can E. give me the same feeling agn?

I still have so much to say here. But crowds are finally coming in . focus on work first.